tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post7474706594344547632..comments2017-10-15T14:11:49.786+02:00Comments on Of Orcs and Men: Kruzz VKai Delmashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14913623803715499069noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-25798134920506113412015-08-04T12:58:38.344+02:002015-08-04T12:58:38.344+02:00I should start taking notes when going over a post...I should start taking notes when going over a post before publishing it. I remember making a mental note of Kruzz's "energylessness", but that was obviously not enough, because I forgot to change it. Good critique and mentally noted. Maybe I should write this down :P<br /><br />Grim is in a funny spot at the moment. I have places where I want to go with him, but his point of view hasn't caught up with what I was doing here. Maybe I can dig deeper into his thoughts and feelings in his next chapter.<br /><br />Thanks as always. ;)Kai Delmashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14913623803715499069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-36723413488521324052015-08-03T14:34:22.401+02:002015-08-03T14:34:22.401+02:00You use "but he didn't have the energy fo...You use "but he didn't have the energy for it." or something like it a bit often here. Try to vary the words a bit more, "but to no avail", "but his body would not obey his will", "but he lacked the strength", and so on. Or have Kruzz try less often.<br /><br />Also, this ""But..." Grim's tusks sank and his shoulders fell." seems a bit out of character for Grim, if I'm perfectly honest.<br /><br />I like Kruzz' reaction in general, it's very angsty (and understandably so), a logical consequence of what came before. Dax is distinct as ever, very good work, but Kruzz and Grim seem a bit messy right now.Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11749647252820873758noreply@blogger.com