tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post8465338002100820923..comments2017-10-15T14:11:49.786+02:00Comments on Of Orcs and Men: Serah IIIKai Delmashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14913623803715499069noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-16600397837842895162015-06-30T23:10:43.321+02:002015-06-30T23:10:43.321+02:00Good work ;)Good work ;)Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11749647252820873758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-1216750634693943502015-06-30T19:32:22.865+02:002015-06-30T19:32:22.865+02:00I actually have put some thought into that already...I actually have put some thought into that already. I've had some pretty crazy ideas and I'd like to make them work, but I'm not quite sure how yet. Since there are so many other story arcs going on, I haven't been focusing on the Princess and the fountain too much. I will get there in the future though and by then I will have hopefully figured out how to make everything surrounding certain characters more interesting.<br /><br />I hope I have sufficiently intrigued your interest and will now get back to writing something completely different to let you squirm in anticipation. ;)Kai Delmashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14913623803715499069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-82019553712907804862015-06-30T13:38:59.403+02:002015-06-30T13:38:59.403+02:00Oh, absolutely, they fulfill a purpose and shouldn...Oh, absolutely, they fulfill a purpose and shouldn't be axed from the story. But I'm not surprised to hear you're not in love with them either. If there's a way to make that less obvious, maybe you should put some thought into that :)Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11749647252820873758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-67807360141694733252015-06-30T13:25:46.074+02:002015-06-30T13:25:46.074+02:00Yeah, honestly not my favorite characters either, ...Yeah, honestly not my favorite characters either, but I feel the need to give the readers some outside perspective. I was actually going to add a second interaction between Serah and the King which is more interesting than the Princess, but I felt like it made more sense to wait until the next Serah chapter.<br /><br />Glad you liked the writing and that my showing is apparently improving. ;) Kai Delmashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14913623803715499069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5555136190302766593.post-30017824196258383952015-06-30T10:04:41.620+02:002015-06-30T10:04:41.620+02:00Point one: "Serah followed, sweating from her...Point one: "Serah followed, sweating from her brow. She watched each step that the Princess made, her hands always ready to dart out and catch the girl if she faltered." Good showing instead of telling. I wondered "Why is she sweating?" and got the answer right away. The temperatures around here I was wondering what I even know about the climate in these parts.<br /><br />Point two: " The Princess was outraged. Seemingly, lost for words she stood there watching until she finally let out a little huff and turned away. "I can't believe how that man treated him. No one should be allowed to beat Small John so."" This is interesting for several reasons. First of all, "The Princess was outraged" is a bit on the showing side, but not terrible - it's so brief that it could easily stay right there. Just keep it in mind. Secondly, I find the Princess to be incredibly pathetic here. It's not badly written by any means, but that girl must have a turd for brains. Serah really has to spell it out for the Princess that this is training? How lovey-dovey can the Princess be? I find it all a bit on the nose (and the character stupid as a result), and I wish she was sicker and stuck in bed. Thirdly, you gave the Princess an air of superiority and aristocracy by making her speak the way she does, "... beat Small John so." This is a good little detail that you do best with Dax, but it works really well here, too. It separates the Princess from Serah a bit, and I generally like it when each character has a "voice" of their own.<br /><br />One of your better entries in terms of writing, I think, though I don't particularly like either Serah or the Princess as characters very much ;) But it's a good read, easy to breeze through.Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11749647252820873758noreply@blogger.com